What Would Megan Fox's (Hypothetical) Harvard Essay Look Like?

Harvard expects academic rigor and traditional success. But what if Megan Fox, the actress and iconoclast, threw her hat into the admissions ring? Let's imagine what her unconventional, possibly hilarious, Harvard application essay would look like.

Megan Fox: The Unconventional Scholar

Megan starts her essay by highlighting her non-traditional path to education, positioning herself as "The Unconventional Scholar". She didn't finish high school but instead embarked on a self-education journey through acting, poetry, and media appearances. Megan believes her experiences in Hollywood and social media can offer a fresh perspective to her Harvard peers, broadening their views on success and learning.

The vast majority of students at Harvard are conventionally successful on the dimension of academics. From a young age, they found school to be a strong cultural fit for them, they obtained recognition through academic success and they excelled in the process of studying, sitting exams and achieving high grades. Many of them enjoyed intrinsic joy from learning but also extrinsic recognition from being considered academically competent.

In my case, from a young age I rejected the notion of traditional schooling and knew that it was unlikely to be relevant for me at this stage in my adventure. I didn’t finish high school but instead have gone down a path of self-education. From learning scripts for elaborate movies like Jennifer’s Body to penning my own poetry anthology to developing the skills to articulate my complicated inner thoughts in high stakes media opportunities, interviews and press tours, I bring the lived experience of a different kind of education that has served me well in my career.

By unifying my own non-traditional education in Hollywood, in business, in social media and in life with many of the trained academic capabilities of my classmates, I will be able to help many of these students broaden their perspective on what it takes to be successful as well as how to actually learn. I hope my genuine passion for Folklore and Mythology and direct experience researching the field through primary research, ceremonial conduct and engagement with leading experts in the field will help other classmates discover a passion for this field that is currently one of the less popular concentrations at Harvard.

Social Media Savant

Megan recently dissected the brutal world of social media on a popular podcast. Her analysis explored the cycles of fame, online savagery, and their impact on celebrities. This experience wasn't just cathartic; it offered profound insights into the nature of online behavior.

Analyzing the sociology of social media on the Call Her Daddy podcast with Alex Cooper recently was a profoundly enlightening intellectual experience. I described the cycles of escalation, fame building and support that media and social media enables followed by a desire to destroy, burn and eviscerate. I also described the unusual tendencies for online savagery. In the offline world, if people were beating up a woman on the street, citizens would run by and call for help but in an online environment, there is some perverse human psychosis that drives people to pile into the assault on social media stars and celebrities like myself, Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian.

Vocalizing these unusual cycles of human fascination and decomposing the online/offline effects helps me to actually preemptively understand what I am likely to experience, offer insights for fellow women who may experience this in the future and help my friends understand some of the torture my soul has gone through to get to this point. I also found the format of Call Her Daddy to be apt to share this because Alex Cooper is a rising sensation with a cheeky counter-culture energy that reminds me of myself in some ways. Indirectly, my analysis was a way to prepare for her the torturous cycles she is soon to endure, warn her and transfer her some of the strength of my “armor”.

From Hollywood to Harvard

"They tried to burn me at the stake," writes Megan Fox in her poetry collection. The relentless media scrutiny she faced felt like a modern-day witch hunt. Yet, it forged her inner strength and sparked a deep self exploration through writing. Now, Fox seeks to delve even deeper by marrying her spiritual experiences with formal academic rigor at Harvard.

One of the core reasons I want to apply to Harvard is that I have been deeply investing in personally learning about folklore, mythology, spirituality and have engaged with a wide network of psychics, healers and other individuals but I want to engage in formal academic training so I can reach a new level of psychic ascendance. In particular, my aspiration is through the Folklore and Mythology masters, I transcend to a new level of consciousness so I can handle the brutal cycles of press, media onslaught and eject this negative energy. After my Transformers era, I found myself having to walk away from the press and the devastating volatility that came from daily, obsessive media scrutiny.

By harnessing my spirituality and weaponizing my academic training in mythology, it will be harder for any negative social media sentiment, sickos on the internet or demented spirits to assault my inner harmony. This resilience will help me reach a new level of professional success. I aim to escape the unfair deluge of assaults on my “skills” and “talents” and make the critics eat their words (or burn their tongues) by picking up some Grammys. I would enjoy the challenge of tackling some more serious content like Joan of Arc or films exploring Exorcisms to help the general public more deeply understand the interplay of religion, spirituality and abuse.

Roommate Confessions

Megan Fox's desire for a Harvard education stems from her fascination with folklore, mythology, and spirituality. But, her path to self-discovery is far from ordinary. For her potential roommates, she unveils a unique perspective on her past, her career highlights, and her belief in her own multifaceted spirit.

1. In a past life, I was burned at a stake. I have lived many lives before and it is clear to me through my engagement with spirituality, psychics and research in the domain of folklore and mythology that I was formerly a witch who was burned alive. This feeling of excruciating rejection, torture and isolation because of my untraditional views has been carried with me through several lives and forms. In this life, it manifests in the form of media cycles that seek to blow up my profile, sensationalize my story and then tear me down. Luckily, I have gone through far worse in previous lives so I have, to date, had the resilience to push through.

2. I played a major role in a movie called Transformers. I have mixed emotions reflecting back on this experience but ultimately I am grateful for this movie which ultimately jettisoned my career into the mainstream. I am proud that when I didn’t feel comfortable with the director’s tone and approach on set, I called it out, even though initially it led to a tidal wave of negativity I had to deal with. No matter what people say, I do not change my beliefs and principles and live my true self.

3. I have starred in a music video called “Bloody Valentine”. The music video used a combination of bondage, electrocution, rock music energy and effervescent color palettes to speak to the violent, passionate love of the characters in the shoot (which may or may not have been inspired by true events). In another life, I was a world famous rock star. In this life, however, I have to settle for a world famous actress and celebrity. You can’t win ‘em all!

Final Thoughts

Whether or not Megan Fox ever sets foot on Harvard's campus, her fictional application serves as a clever exploration of celebrity image, the nature of online criticism, and the pursuit of knowledge from unconventional sources. It's a reminder that even the most glamorous stars grapple with relatable issues and that a sense of humor can be the strongest armor of all.